


my heart is in the city of love

by ashtxns



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Band, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, surprisingly very little french for a fic taking place in france
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 09:16:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3441713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtxns/pseuds/ashtxns
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before was for the nights when they stayed up late and watched all their favourite movies or their first night as a married couple when they were too hyped-up to do anything and Michael had started a pillow fight which had resulted in both of them falling off the bed, clutching at each other through their laughter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my heart is in the city of love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lavab0y](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavab0y/gifts).



Calum stared at the papers on the table in front of him, eyes scanning the words but not really processing anything.

Divorce papers.

He was going to get divorced.

He was going to get divorced from his fucking _high school sweetheart_ and that thought almost made him laugh bitterly.

Fifteen years they had been together, seven years married and now it was all going to end once Calum finally signed these papers.

He sighed.

On any other day, he could’ve easily done it.

He could’ve signed, sent the papers back to Michael and this would’ve been the end.

But lately it seemed as though the universe wanted to especially fuck with Calum and, just his luck, the divorce papers arrived exactly on the day which would’ve been their seventh anniversary. He was going to get divorced on his wedding anniversary. Just his fucking luck.

He fiddled with the pen in his hands and glanced at the clock. It was now 11:34 am. Michael expected the papers back by the evening. Which meant he had the whole day to sit in silence on his kitchen table, staring at the divorce papers wondering when exactly his dream marriage fell apart. Okay. Calum could do this.

He took a deep breath and clicked the pen, _on off on off,_ until it clicked on again and he bit his lip. It wasn’t that hard. He only needed to sign on the dotted line. His heart was hammering in his chest and his hand was shaking and he had already put the pen down, the curve of the C forming when his phone started ringing.

Sighing in relief, he let the pen fall and scrambled out of the kitchen into the living room, following the sound of his ringing phone.

“’ello?” he asked, a bit breathlessly and the person on the other line laughed.

“Everything okay, Cal?” a woman’s voice asked and Calum felt himself smiling despite the mood he’d been in.

“Mali, hey,” he replied, sitting down on the couch. “Haven’t heard from you in a while, Ms. Super Busy. How’re you?”

“Oh, I’m the busy one? As I recall, you are the one who never has time for anyone due to the job you so love,” his sister teased and Calum’s smile dropped when he realized those were the exact same words Michael had said to him once during a fight. Only in a much harsher tone. And with a lot more insults. Calum winced at the memory.

“Yeah,” he answered weakly, scratching his neck. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“You know I’m just kidding, Calum,” Mali said and Calum could hear the grin in her voice. “Your job is important, I get that.”

“It is,” Calum mumbled and straightened up. “But what about you, how have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been great,” Mali replied, her tone warm. “Actually, that’s why I’m calling. I have news for you.”

“News?” Calum asked. “Bad news, or –“

“No, silly, good news. Great news. For me, at least.”

“Now I’m curious. Also a little scared.” His sister laughed and Calum felt his chest tightening. He missed her. He missed his sister and parents, he missed his family and even though they lived in the same city it was still hard to see them on a regular basis.

“Pack your bags, little bro,” Mali answered. “You are going to Paris.”

“Paris?” Calum frowned at the wall. “What’s in Paris?”

He could hear the excitement in his sister’s voice, the slight buzz in her tone, and he bit his lip, mentally preparing himself.

“I’m getting married!” Mali giggled, squealing at the end.

“Married? Wait – did he finally propose?!” Calum asked, eyes wide, but a smile forming on his face.

“Yep, this morning. It was so romantic, I’d tell you all about it but I know you hate romantic shit.”

Calum laughed and leaned back on the couch. “Mali, I’m so happy for you, honestly. But what’s the deal with Paris?”

“Jimmy knew I’ve always wanted to get married in Paris so he arranged everything! Explained it as an early wedding present.”

“Early wedding present,” Calum chuckled. “Another proof that he loves you more than anything.”

“Damn right he does,” Mali answered, her voice carefree and slightly proud. Calum grinned.

“Paris,” he mumbled. “That’s gonna be one hell of a wedding.”

“I’ll send out the invitations later this week, so you’ll know the exact date soon. And tell Michael, will you?”

Calum startled at the mention of Michael and his smile dropped. “Michael? What about him?”

“He is…also invited? I mean, I will send your invitation to your address, it’s meant for both of you, but you can already tell him about my engagement.”

Calum was only listening with half an ear, his thoughts a mess, and he grabbed his phone a little tighter.

“You remember Michael, right?” his sister teased. “Your husband? Man of your dreams?”

“Michael. Husband,” Calum repeated. “Yeah. No, I remember him. Of course I do, I mean, husband, right? _My_ husband,” he laughed nervously, hoping his sister will not hear it over the phone line. But, just his luck, she did.

“Everything okay, Calum?” Now her voice was quiet and worried and Calum wanted to cry because his sister could always read him _so_ easily and he wanted to break down and tell her everything, about the break-up, the divorce papers in the room next door, about Michael moving out, buying his own apartment, about Calum sleeping alone for five months now.

But he didn’t.

“I’m fine, Mali,” he replied, relieved that his voice didn’t crack. “We just had a fight a little earlier this morning but you know us, we always make up, it’s all good.”

“If you say so,” Mali said, uncertain.

“I’m fine, _really._ You know me, we never fight and when we do it always hits me the hardest, yeah? And today’s bad because it’s our anniversary but I’m fine.”

“Don’t worry, Cal,” Mali replied. “You and Michael have always been the dream couple and a small fight won’t ruin you. Text me later when you’ve made up. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah,” Calum mumbled, letting his head fall back and he closed his eyes. “It’s gonna be okay.”

How the hell was he going to explain _this._

* * *

“No.”

“Come on, Michael,” Calum pleaded. “Let me explain –“

“You already explained everything,” Michael protested, standing behind the kitchen counter, knife and cutting board long forgotten. “Remember? You knocked on my door twenty minutes ago, said it’ll only take you a second and explained the situation. And my answer is no.”

“That’s not fair,” Calum replied, frowning. “Can’t you just do me one little favour?”

Michael laughed bitterly. “One little favour? Remember what happened when I asked you for one little favour? We broke up, that’s what happened.”

“Wasn’t really my fault, though,” Calum mumbled under his breath and Michael turned to him with sharp eyes.

“Leave, Calum.”

“Please,” Calum bit down on his lip, turning the envelope in his hands over, repeating that action. “It’s just one week –“

“ _In Paris_ ,“ Michael interrupted. “If the wedding was here in Sydney, then maybe I would have agreed. But Paris?”

“You think we won’t be able to handle each other for a week?” Calum retorted.

Michael sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, staying silent. When he opened them again, he looked tired and defeated and Calum’s heart tugged in his chest.

“It’s not just that, Calum,” Michael said slowly. “It’s pretending to still be married to each other –“

“Technically, we are still married,” Calum pointed out but one look at Michael’s face and he quickly stopped talking. “Sorry.”

“It’s pretending to be married to each other, it’s pretending that we haven’t lived separately for almost half a year now, it’s – Calum, how are we supposed to do this? The last time we actually spoke was six weeks ago and that was when you dropped off the last of my stuff. How are we supposed to pretend we’re still happily married in front of your family and friends?”

Calum shrugged helplessly and shuffled with his feet. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, Michael, I shouldn’t have come here.” Taking a few steps forward, he let the envelope he was still holding drop onto the kitchen counter. “This is, uhm, the invitation for Mali’s wedding. You can send her a bouquet of flowers or something. But please do call her, alright? She’ll be heartbroken if you won’t.”

Nodding shortly, Calum turned around and was halfway out of the door when Michael’s voice stopped him.

“Wait.”

Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Calum turned to face Michael who was staring at the wedding invitation, biting his lip in frustration. “I’ll do it,” he said.

Relief flooded through Calum. “Thanks so much, I –“

“Under one condition.”

“Anything,” Calum nodded, his head all over the clouds. “Anything you want.”

Michael looked up. “When we get back, you have to sign the divorce papers.”

* * *

The flight was awkward.

It was awkward and uncomfortable and Calum couldn’t sit still, he was jittery and hyped up and couldn’t stop tapping his fingers on the arm rest or bounce his leg. Ten hours into the flight and Michael stopped his music, glaring at Calum.

“Can you calm down for, like, one second?”

“I’m sorry but you know I’m a nervous flyer,” Calum hissed, eyes fixated on the window, the night sky not giving him much comfort. He sighed and pulled the blinds down.

“I’d say go to sleep,” Michael said, turning off his iPod and stashing it away in his bag. “But I know you have trouble sleeping on flights. Do you want to read? I’ve got some books with me.”

Calum was too stunned to say anything and that’s why he didn’t notice Michael staring at him questioningly. “Calum?” he asked quietly.

“Huh?”

Michael raised one eyebrow, a small gesture which reminded Calum of their younger selves and Michael’s eyebrow piercing and how he took it out for their wedding and never put it in again and Calum’s heart hurt a little. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Calum said quickly, coughing. “Just nervous. What books have you got?”

Michael eyed him warily but rummaged around in his bag until he pulled out three books. “Uh, I got _To Kill a Mockingbird, Fight Club_ and _A Song of Ice and Fire._ ”

Calum chuckled and took the last book out of Michael’s hands. “ _Game of Thrones_?” he teased. “Wasn’t the TV show enough for you?”

Michael grinned and leaned back in his seat, opening _To Kill a Mockingbird_ on a marked page. “I was interested in the book too,” he shrugged and started reading, Calum following his example.

It was silent for a while, save for a stewardess walking down the aisle and asking the awake passengers if they had any wishes to which Michael and Calum both politely declined. After she turned to the passengers behind them, Calum closed his book and tried sorting his thoughts before he spoke up. “Michael?”

“Hm?”

“How did you know that I can’t sleep on flights?”

Michael’s eyebrows shot up and he faced Calum, confusion in his eyes. “Because you told me?”

“When?” Now it was Calum’s turn to be confused. “I don’t remember telling you –“

“When we went on our honeymoon?” Michael interrupted and Calum stilled. “You told me that you get nervous while flying and sleep doesn’t help.”

“But our honeymoon was –“

“Seven years ago, I know.” Michael smiled slightly. “Surprised I remember?”

“Kinda.”

Michael shrugged and turned back to his book. “Don’t know why I remember it. Guess it stuck with me.”

Calum watched him for a moment before taking a deep breath. “If it helps, uh, I remember random stuff about you too. Even from before we were married, just random bits of memories, you know?”

Michael looked up, closing his book. “And what kind of stuff?” He wasn’t smiling but his eyes sparkled with amusement.

Calum cracked a grin. “You love pizza more than anything,” he started. “You take your coffee black even though it’s the most disgusting thing _ever,_ you love sleeping late but actually hate _being_ late, you can’t stand pineapples on pizza and you always got pissed when Luke would order pineapples –“

“Because it’s a fruit!” Michael protested. “That’s – that’s just wrong!”

Calum grinned slightly. “Isn’t tomato a fruit?” he teased.

“Oh no, we are not going there,” Michael muttered, turning back to his book.

Calum chuckled and got back to reading and it was silent between them for another ten minutes or so. But then Michael spoke up. “Oh, Calum?”

“Huh?”

“You got something wrong.”

“What?” Calum eyed him but Michael was still staring at his book.

“I don’t love pizza more than anything.” Calum wanted to laugh at these words and protest but Michael’s next words stopped him. “I love you more.”

Calum pretended that he didn’t notice the use of the present tense.

* * *

“Shit, Calum, I think I just saw the Eiffel Tower!”

Calum chuckled at Michael’s words and continued to stare out of the window, the scenery of Paris passing by and making his head swirl. The taxi ride wasn’t as awkward as the flight had been. Maybe it was their conversation on the plane, the fact that they could _still_ hold a conversation without insulting each other, whatever it was, something between them cracked and it felt normal again, like the easier times, when they had simply been best friends, lovers. It felt like Before again.

(Calum had divided his relationship with Michael into Before and After categories. Before was for the times before the fight, before Calum messed up and lost Michael. It included the first days of their relationship when everything had been new but then again it hadn’t, not really, because they’d been best friends for eight years before that and not much had changed. Before was for the nights when they stayed up late and watched all their favourite movies or their first night as a married couple when they were too hyped-up to do anything and Michael had started a pillow fight which had resulted in both of them falling off the bed, clutching at each other through their laughter.

After was for the times when everything fell into pieces, it was for the cold nights which Calum spent alone after their fights, worried sick about where Michael was, it was for the grey days after Michael had moved out, for everything after their break-up.

And then there was The Middle. Into the Middle fell everything in between Before and After. When they had tried, _tried so hard,_ to make things work, when Michael slept on the couch but that didn’t matter to Calum because Michael was _still there, he was still in the house._ The Middle was made for meaningless arguments, for silent breakfasts and lonely dinners even though they were right opposite each other.

Sometimes Calum had wished for the courage to fight harder to keep Michael. Sometimes, he thought, it was better to be alone than to be lonely together.)

Michael pulled him out of his thoughts.

“When will Luke and Ashton arrive?” he asked, leaning back into his seat, the sunglasses on his nose shielding him from the spring sun.

“Tomorrow morning,” Calum answered, still watching the streets. “How are they, by the way? Haven’t heard much from them.”

“Oh, they’re fine,” Michael replied, yawning. “Fantastic, actually. The last time I spoke to them was two days ago I think? And then I had to leave because Rosie was throwing a tantrum.”

Calum chuckled. “What happened?”

“She didn’t want to go Paris without all her stuffed toys. Luke told her she could only bring two and then she threw herself on the floor and wailed and I got out of there.” There was fondness in his voice as he talked about Luke and Ashton’s daughter but also something different – Calum realized too late that it was sadness and bitterness mixed together and when he did, his face burned with shame and he bit his lip as he recalled one of their first fights which lead them to their current situation.

_(“Come on, Calum, that’s not a real reason and you know it!”_

_Calum rolled his eyes, getting angrier with each second. “It is! Can’t you just let it drop?”_

_Michael laughed, a hollow sound which made Calum wince. “I can’t just let it drop, you know that! Give me one good reason why we can’t have a kid!”_

_“I don’t want a kid! I told you this countless times already –“_

_“It’s not a real reason!” Michael yelled, running a hand through his hair in frustration and tugging at the blond strands. “You love kids! You adore Rosie! Don’t give me that shit excuse that we have no time for a kid right now because we do, we have the time and the money, we are financially stable, we both have good work hours – why don’t you want to adopt a child?”_

_Calum struggled for words, glancing at the clock. It was nearing midnight. They had been going on and off about this topic for almost an hour now. “Can we talk about this some other time, I –“_

_“No, we can’t!” Michael stared at him disbelief. “You always dodged this conversation before but not this time. We are going to talk about it, if you like it or not.”_

_“This is not talking, Michael, this is screaming at each other until one of us storms off!” Calum shouted. “I don’t want a kid. Why isn’t this good enough for you?”_

_“Because I want a kid and I want a good reason as to why my husband doesn’t want one! Is it because of me, huh? You don’t want a kid with me?”_

_“Michael, that’s bullshit and you know it!” Calum retorted. “I love you –“_

_“You don’t love me enough for this, though, do you?” Michael’s voice was hard and so were his eyes, no sight of emotion in them. “When Luke and Ash adopted Rosie you told me you wanted this too, you wanted what they have! What changed?”_

_“Michael,” Calum breathed out, voice tired, running a hand over his face. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let’s just go to bed and –“_

_“No, let’s not go to bed and pretend as if nothing has happened,” Michael snapped. “I’m leaving.”_

_“Michael, it’s midnight, you can’t just –“_

_Calum watched helplessly as Michael grabbed his keys and phone from the kitchen table, making his way to the front door. “Mikey, don’t leave –“ Calum begged, his voice cracking at the end._

_“I’m done, Calum,” Michael’s voice was cold and hard. “Forget it.” And then the door slammed shut.)_

“Calum?”

“Huh?” Calum blinked, pushing his sunglasses out of the way to rub at his eyes.

“You fell asleep,” Michael replied, amused. “We’re at the hotel.”

Calum didn’t bother correcting him, instead stared out of the window to be met with the front side of the Hôtel des Champs-Élysées. His eyes adjusted to the bright midday sun as he slowly got out of the car. Michael whistled lowly beside him. “The website didn’t lie.”

Calum grinned at his words, shaking his head. “Fuck, look at this. And we don’t have to pay a single dollar for it.”

Michael laughed and went around the car to help the taxi driver with their baggage. “One week, Calum!” he called over his shoulder. “Enjoy it.”

“Oh, I will,” Calum mumbled. If he closed his eyes he could just imagine it was only a nice holiday they were here for instead of Mali’s wedding. Or better yet – Mali’s wedding but they didn’t have to _pretend_ to be married, they were simply them, _MichaelandCalum,_ as they always had been. He watched as Michael paid and thanked the taxi driver and wondered what it’d be like if they were still together. He imagined Michael coming up to him, a smile on his face, a glint in his eyes. He imagined Michael stopping in front of him and they’d be staring at each other, just smiling stupidly as if they were eighteen again and he imagined Michael kissing him, telling him that this one week of Paris was only for them, they could do anything they wanted –

He blinked slowly and let reality take over him. Calum faced the facts. They weren’t together anymore. They were there for Mali’s wedding and they had to pretend to still be happy together. Calum had to lie to his sister and parents and family as much as that hurt him. The only ones who knew about their break-up were Luke and Ashton but even they didn’t know the real reason.

Calum sometimes really hated what had become of him.

“You’re daydreaming again, Hood,” Michael commented, staring at him funnily. He pointed to his suitcase. “Get your crap and let’s check in.”

“Language,” Calum scolded playfully, an old joke between them and Michael grinned. “Fuck you and your language,” he replied, just for the fun of it, as they both went inside.

“Damn,” Michael muttered, staring around the foyer. “I feel so dirty. Calum, look, they have a chandelier! What do they say here? Mon dieu?” Michael continued to mutter to himself while he stared around, trying to take everything him as they reached the front desk. The woman behind it looked up from the computer and smiled at them, brown locks falling over her shoulders.

“Bonjour!” she greeted them. “Puis-je vous aider?”

“Uh,” Calum and Michael shared a look, both wearing an expression of confusion. Neither of them had taken French in High School and now Calum regretted not looking up some expressions before they left. “I’m sorry, we don’t speak –“

“Oh!” The woman shot them an apologetic smile. “I understand. How can I help you?”

Calum could hear Michael sighing in relief beside him and he smiled at the receptionist. “We’re here for a wedding, uh, Mali-Koa Hood? She said the rooms are already reserved?”

The woman nodded, typing away on the computer. “Ah, yes. Names, please?”

“Uh, Calum Hood?”

The woman chuckled at the hesitation in his voice. “Calum Hood and Michael Clifford?” she asked, looking up. Calum nodded quickly.

“The room deluxe is reserved for you, on the fifth floor,” she explained, pulling a drawer open and taking out a black key card. “Free Wi-Fi, international canals, minibar,” she rattled off as she typed something on the computer. She looked up, shooting them a smile and holding out the card. “I hope you have a great stay in _la ville de l'amour_.”

Calum took the card from her while Michael thanked her, showing her a dimpled smile. They were silent in the elevator all the way up to their floor, Calum staring at the bright numbers indicating which floor they were on while Michael scrolled through his phone.

“City of Love,” he said suddenly and Calum looked at him, eyebrows raised. “Huh?”

“What the receptionist said at the end,” Michael clarified, still looking at his phone. “La ville de what? It means City of Love.” Calum could tell that Michael was embarrassed that he brought this up, by the way the tips of his ears were red and Calum smiled slightly, a tug in his chest making him realize that he was happy he could still read Michael so easily after all that happened.

“Well, Paris _is_ the City of Love,” Calum replied, glancing at Michael. “I bet she’s obliged to say that to everyone.”

“Yeah,” Michael scratched his neck and was saved by the ding of the elevator announcing they’ve arrived on their floor. They stepped out, trailing their suitcases behind them as Calum looked at the card in his hand. “There’s no number on here,” he mumbled. He was stopped from walking any further by Michael, who had grabbed his arm, standing in front of a black oak door. “Room Deluxe, here it is,” he said, letting go of Calum’s arm. He missed the contact. “Sounds fancy,” Michael continued.

Calum grinned. “Everything sounds fancy in French,” he said. “ _Merde_ is the best example.”

Michael hummed in reply. “Doesn’t that mean shit?”

“Yep.”

Letting out a laugh, he stepped back. “Come on, open the door, I’m tired.”

Calum did as he was told and stepped in, Michael following behind. The room was about the size of their old bedroom at home – _My bedroom_ , Calum reminded himself. The first room consisted of a lounge, a TV on the wall opposite of it, and a drawer. A door on the other side of the room revealed the entry to the bedroom where Michael currently was, already ahead of Calum. “It’s got an ensuite bathroom!” he called. “ _Merde,_ this looks expensive.”

He walked out, shrugging. “Your sister’s paying for it.”

Calum cracked a grin. “I’d complain but she’s got the money for it, so.”

Michael chuckled. “I’ll take the lounge.”

And these words made the smile disappear off Calum’s face and he realized _oh right we’re not together of course we won’t be sharing a bed_ and sadness filled his body and left him cold and empty. He awkwardly shuffled his feet. “I can take the lounge, Michael, I –“

“Calum,” Michael’s voice was soft. “It’s fine, really.”

Calum shrugged helplessly. “If you say so,” he replied quietly.

“But I’m going to take a shower first, alright? I feel dirty from the long flight and I’m pretty jet-lagged.”

“Yeah, of course, that’s alright,” Calum rushed out. “I’ll go find Mali. And tell her we’re here,” he pointed over his shoulder to the door. “Uh, yeah. See you later, then.” He swiftly turned around before Michael could say another word and closed the door behind him.

Leaning against the wall, he took a deep breath. “Get yourself together, Hood,” he mumbled to himself. “Don’t make it so hard for the both of you.”

He stood there in the hotel corridor for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down, and then made his way to the elevator to look for his sister.

* * *

Calum woke up to his phone ringing the next morning.

He blindly reached for the bedside table, hand closing around the phone and he pressed it to his ear, eyes still closed.

“Hmpf?”

A chuckle on the other line. “Wow, Calum, I’m guessing you had a good night’s sleep?”

“Mali,” he sighed and fell back onto his pillow. “What d’ya want, ‘s too early.”

“It’s ten in the morning and you told me last night to wake you up because Luke and Ashton are arriving today.” He could hear her smiling over the phone.

“I don’t care ‘bout Luke and Ashton,” he replied, rubbing at his eyes. “I care about my sleep.”

“Why are you so tired? You went up to your room pretty early last night.”

“Jet-Lag,” he explained and rolled over on his side. “Okay, I’m up. Is breakfast still open?”

Mali made a sympathetic noise. “It closes at nine.”

“Damn it,” he cursed. “Okay. New plan. Instead of waiting for Luke and Ashton, I’ll go eat breakfast somewhere.”

Mali laughed. “I’m sure your friends will appreciate that.”

Calum grinned. “They know me, they’re used to it. Anyway, thanks for waking me up, I’ll see ya later.”

They ended the call and Calum lay in bed for another ten minutes before he forced himself to get up and stumbled into the adjoined bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror and sighed at the dark bags underneath his eyes. Since the break-up with Michael he’d battled with insomnia and the only reason why he had gotten a full night’s sleep the night before was because of the Jet-Lag. He was sure, once that had settled, he would be going back to sleepless nights and overthinking every conversation with Michael.

He shook his head and stepped into the shower.

* * *

“How do you say black coffee in French?” Michael whispered to Ashton, glancing over his menu to check if the waitress was in sight.

Ashton rolled his eyes. “ _Café noir,_ Michael, everyone knows that.”

“Well, sorry, Mr. Smarty-Pants, not all us took French AP in High School and went to France for a year _for fun._ ”

Ashton sighed in exasperation. “I’ll order for us, Michael, don’t worry.”

“Good,” Michael set the menu down. “French is hard.”

“It’s really not,” Ashton chuckled. “You started learning French a few years ago, why are you –?” He was cut off by Michael glaring at him, glancing between him and Calum who was in a conversation with Luke. Realization dawned on Ashton’s face. “Right,” he said slowly. Michael leaned back in his seat, shooting him another dark look, before sliding his sunglasses on his nose.

After they had picked Luke, Ashton and Rosie up from the airport, they all had gone to a small café near the hotel, sitting outside in the morning sun. The café was nice, made for small families or couples, with plants and flowers separating the patio from the sidewalk.

“Daddy!” Rosie whined. “Orange juice!” Luke rolled his eyes fondly, refilling her cup and Calum caught Michael smiling at her softly and his heart hurt. The six-year-old had everyone wrapped around her little finger with her dark-blonde curls which resembled Ashton’s and her blue eyes and dimples. Michael adored her – and with being one half of Rosie’s godparents, the little girl adored him too.

“Rose is obsessed with orange juice,” Ashton whispered, leaning over to Michael. “Last month it was cherry juice and now it’s orange. I wonder what it’s going to be next month.”

“Apple juice?” Michael suggested.

Ashton pulled a face. “Ick,” he said. “My daughter is not going to drink apple juice.”

Michael grinned. “Just because you hate it, Ashton –“

“Daddy!” Rosie interrupted them and four sets of eyes turned to her. “What is it, sweetie?” Luke asked, brows furrowed.

Rosie shrugged. “Nothing,” she answered, taking a sip of her juice.

Calum laughed out loud and ruffled her hair. “You wanted attention, didn’t you?”

Rosie smiled sweetly at him. “Uncle Cal, why are we here? The flight was long and boring.”

“Rose, we already told you why we’re here,” Ashton said, raising an eyebrow. “Three times.”

“You said for a wedding!” Rosie protested. “Whose wedding?”

Calum smiled. “My sister’s wedding. I can’t believe your daddies didn’t tell you.”

“We told her,” Ashton grumbled, ignoring Luke’s pointed stare. “ _Three times_.”

“Give it up, Ash,” Michael commented, grinning, just as Rosie asked. “When is my wedding?”

Luke started coughing, seemingly having choked on a piece of bread and Calum clapped him on his back, silently laughing, while Rosie watched. “Why are your eyes so red, Daddy?”

Ashton had his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking with laughter, and Luke took a sip of water. “Your wedding is far, far away, Rosie,” he muttered. “Very far.”

“Oh man,” Michael said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I missed this.”

* * *

Calum watched as Ashton fixed the tie of his suit, growing frustrated as each second passed by, and then just ripping the tie off, throwing it on the bed. “Better,” he mumbled as Calum grinned at him.

“You’re 34 and still can’t fix a tie?”

Ashton shrugged. “Ties are for stuffy old men,” he pointed out. “You’re not wearing a tie, are you?” he quickly asked, eyes wide as he stared at him in the mirror. Calum shook his head. “Nope. Neither are Luke and Mike, so you’re good.”

Ashton nodded, once, and went back to fixing the collar of his dress shirt. “Where’s Michael, anyway?”

Calum played with his cufflinks, shrugging. “Was in the shower when I left,” he replied.

“Is it –“ Ashton started but cut himself off. “I mean – it’s hard, isn’t it? Being here with Michael?” His voice was soft and if Calum had looked up he would have seen the pitiful look Ashton was shooting him.

“It’s not hard, really,” Calum answered. “It’s hard to lie to my family? It’s been six months and I still haven’t told them.”

“Maybe you don’t need to tell them,” Ashton said, taking a seat beside Calum on the king-size bed. Calum looked up, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe,” Ashton said slowly, carefully searching for the right words. “Maybe things will change soon.”

“What are you talking about, Ash?”

Ashton ran a hand over his face. “Maybe this trip will make you realize you both were absolute dumbheads and you’ll get back together.”

Calum stared at him for a moment, disbelief in his eyes, and then got up. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. We’re done, Ashton. There’s no ‘getting back together’. I’ve moved on.”

“No, you haven’t,” Ashton quietly said. “You still love him, Cal, don’t lie to yourself. I can see it by the way you look at him.”

Calum crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve got it all wrong.”

“Fuck, Calum,” Ashton hissed, glancing to the closed door leading into the bathroom to make sure Rosie or Luke weren’t coming out soon. “You keep insisting that you’re over Michael but you’re not! Who had to comfort you at three in the morning after Michael left and you stayed in your bedroom for a week, huh? Who had to make sure that you were actually eating and taking care of yourself? And I find it ridiculous that you still won’t tell us _what_ happened, that you and Michael simply announced you were going to get divorced –“

“Stop it,” Calum forced out through gritted teeth. “I’m not telling you.”

“Calum –“

Just then the bathroom door opened and Rosie ran out, clad in a light blue pyjama, with Luke trailing behind her, a tired look on his face, while he fixed his dress shirt. “Papa!” she exclaimed, running up to Ashton who smiled at her and picked her up, any trace of the previous conversation gone. “Hey, sweetie, did you have a nice bath?”

“I wanna come with you,” Rosie pouted, tiny arms crossed over her chest. Ashton shot a questioning to Luke. The blond shrugged, pocketing his phone. “She won’t listen to me.” Ashton turned back to his daughter. “Sweetie, this is a dinner for adults, okay, and we’ll talk about boring adult stuff, do you want that?”

Luke smiled slightly at the two of them before turning to Calum. “What’s up?” he asked quietly. Calum, who had watched Ashton and Rosie, let his gaze drop and focused on Luke. “Nothing,” he mumbled.

“I heard you arguing,” Luke grinned. “Ashton won’t let it drop, huh?”

Calum sighed. “How come Ashton is so persistent on wanting me and Mike back together but you can accept the truth? How can you live with him?”

“He’s my husband and also the father of my daughter, I’ve got to live with him,” Luke joked, shrugging on his suit jacket. “But, really, you want the truth?”

Calum absently waved a hand. “Hit me, Hemmings.”

“I know you and Michael. I have you two figured out.”

“Is that so?” Calum had to grin. “You know us?”

Luke didn’t smile, instead returned his gaze with seriousness in his eyes. “I do. Sometimes I know you better than you know yourselves.”

Calum rolled his eyes. “Come off it, Luke,” he mumbled. “Stop acting so mysterious and tell me what you mean.”

This time, Luke did smile. “You and Michael are destined to be together. One day you will get back together and you’re already working towards it, you just don’t know it.”

“Also,” he winked at him, grinning, and watched as Ashton picked Rosie up and walked into the adjoined bedroom. “Paris is the City of Love, after all.”

* * *

“You look like you want to punch something. Or someone,” were the first words Michael said to Calum as he stepped into the hotel ballroom. Calum snorted. “Remind me again why I’m friends with Luke and Ashton.”

Michael grinned. “What did they do?”

“Just,” Calum looked at Michael, at his green eyes which seemed to shine in the dim light, at the upward curve of his mouth, the way his blond hair lay messily on his head, looking like he just rolled out of bed but making it _work._ “The usual,” Calum finished. He couldn’t tell Michael about what Luke had said, that they were already on their way to getting back together – not because Calum didn’t believe him, _he did,_ he wanted to believe it so bad, but he also knew Michael was happier now, in his apartment, without the stress of their marriage weighing him down. At least, that’s what Calum assumed.

“Ah, yes, the usual,” Michael repeated. “Gets on your nerves, doesn’t it?”

Calum smiled slightly. “Thanks,” he said, looking down at his feet.

“For what?”

“Even after all these years you can still make me feel better.”

Michael was silent and Calum didn’t dare look up, afraid he messed things up but then –

“You’re such a sap, Hood.”

Calum laughed, eyes crinkling by the corners, and he looked up. “That’s what I meant.”

Michael shrugged, smiling, and tugged at the ring on his left hand and only then Calum realized what kind of ring he was wearing and he wondered why he hadn’t noticed it sooner. Calum always used to recognize the silver band of the ring, had always looked at first thing in the morning during the first few months of their marriage.

“You’re wearing your wedding ring,” he stated.

Michael stared at him as if to say “Duh.” Maybe he really did say it out loud. Calum was too stunned by the sight of Michael wearing his ring again to function properly. “We’re pretending to be married?” Michael continued. “Or did you already forget our weird ass situation?”

The words were out of Calum’s mouth before he could stop them. “Maybe I don’t want to pretend.”

Michael shot him a warning look. “Not now.”

“Why not?” Calum retorted, turning so his back was facing the crowd. “Why can’t we talk about it?”

Michael didn’t answer right away, instead let his gaze wander over the people in the ballroom, eating and talking together. “We already talked about it. We’re done.”

“No, you’re done, Michael,” Calum replied, eyes hard. “I get that you don’t love me anymore –“

“That’s the biggest bullshit you’ve ever said,” Michael cut him off, still avoiding his gaze. “Don’t go around saying that I don’t love you anymore because it’s a lie.”

Calum stared at him, all his anger fading. “You – _fuck,_ Michael, you what?”

“I still love you,” Michael replied. “Of course I do. Why do you think I’m doing this?”

Just as Calum opened his mouth to answer he was interrupted by an arm around his waist and someone saying his name. He turned around to find his mother standing behind him, his father right next to her and a smile made his way onto his face. He just hoped his parents wouldn’t notice that it was fake.

“Mum, Dad, hi,” he said, quickly pulling his Mum into a hug, his Dad clapping him on the shoulder. “So good to see you.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Michael shaking hands with his Dad, making small talk, and he made a mental note to remind himself to thank Michael later for doing this.

“Michael, come here, I haven’t seen you in ages,” his mother said and Michael grinned, stepping into her outstretched arms. “Nice to see you, Joy,” he answered, voice warm. “Did you have a good flight?”

She waved him off. “Oh, you know, too long, the usual.”

Michael laughed. “The usual, yeah,” he replied, glancing at Calum for one second. “Excited about the wedding?”

Calum zoned out of the conversation and glanced around the room, catching Ashton’s eye from the other side where he was sitting with Luke at a table. His friend glanced between him and Michael before sighing, turning back to Luke. Calum’s heart hurt. He focused back on the conversation right as Mali appeared beside her Dad. “Okay, Mum, you have all week to catch up with Michael,” she grinned. “Let’s leave these two alone.”

Joy sighed. “You still look as hopeless in love as you did when you got married,” she said, smiling at her son and Calum’s breath got caught in his throat. “How many years ago was it? Eight?”

“Seven,” Calum corrected quickly. “Seven years.”

He could feel Michael’s eyes on him but ignored it the best he could, waving at his parents as they left with Mali to go talk to some other people. He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling more tired than ever and he simply wanted to get into bed and sleep for ten hours.

“Calum?”

“Hm?” This time, he looked at Michael who was obviously struggling with words and Calum could see different emotions reflecting in his eyes.

Michael stared at his feet. “Let’s go eat,” he said at last, making his way over to Luke and Ashton’s table. Calum stared at his back before shaking his head a little, following him.

* * *

The thing about Calum was – he still loved Michael. Fuck, of course he did, this was the man whom he spent almost half his life with, this was the man who proposed to him at their old shared hang-out spot in the park, this was the man who stood by his side since they’d been ten. Calum couldn’t _not_ love Michael.

The split between them tore him apart – he’d spent weeks in bed, refusing to get out, because _what was the point without Michael?_ But Calum was stubborn, so so stubborn, so when he got better, when he started going out more, meeting up with Ashton, when there was still a hole in his chest where Michael’s love used to be, he still refused to actually apologize even though he missed him more than anything. He didn’t want to admit his fears to Michael, his real reason on why he didn’t want a child. So he pretended he was over him and let Michael believe his lie.

Only now he regretted building up his house of cards because in the last few days it had been threatening to crack.

* * *

Calum stared at the ceiling in the dark, forcing his brain to shut up and actually let him get some sleep but to no avail. He groaned and turned over on his side. The bedroom door wasn’t fully closed and Calum could see a faint light through the open crack, telling him that Michael was still awake.

Without thinking, he pushed the covers off his body and got out of bed, standing in the dark for a few minutes before deciding on what to do and he pushed the door open, stepping into the front room.

As predicted, Michael was awake, sitting at the desk and hunched over a stack of papers, a pen in his hand as his eyes travelled over the words, biting his lip absently. Calum stared at him for a moment, relishing in the few seconds where Michael still hadn’t seen him and he realized just how fucking beautiful Michael truly was. He remembered nights like this back when they were still together and he woke up to find the bed empty and Michael at the kitchen table, grading papers. At that time in their life together, he used to go up to him and sleepily press a kiss to his neck before asking him to join him back in bed. Michael obliged, always had – he couldn’t ever say No to Calum.

Now Michael had seen him leaning in the doorway. “Oh, sorry,” he said, dropping his pen. “Did I wake you?”

Calum shook his head. “Couldn’t sleep.” He casted a glance at the papers and raised an eyebrow. “You brought your work with you?”

Michael yawned and ran a hand through his hair. “I was lucky I got a week off,” he replied, shrugging.

Calum cracked a grin. “For the first time, I’m not the one who brought his work on his holiday. How the tables have turned.”

“Yeah,” Michael mumbled, glancing back at the desk. “Ironic.”

Calum mustered him for a moment before speaking up. “Come on. Go to sleep. You can still do this in the morning.”

Michael had started to protest even before Calum finished his sentence. “I’ve only got three more essays to grade, I can do it.”

“No, you can’t,” Calum answered softly. “You need your sleep. Being a college professor is hard, even for you, the one who manages to balance everything.”

Michael chuckled. “I’m flattered,” he replied. He leaned back and pushed the remaining papers away, much to Calum’s relief. “Why are you still awake, anyway?”

“Oh,” Calum scratched the back of his neck. “Got some problems sleeping. My doctor prescribed me pills but they don’t really help.”

“They don’t help or you just refuse to take them?”

Calum knew his lie was useless even as he said it out loud – Michael could always tell whenever he was lying or telling the truth. Sometimes he knew him better than Calum knew himself.

Calum let out a breath. “I don’t take them,” he said. “But – I don’t need them, you know? It’s just some sleep disorder, it’ll go away soon.”

“Are you sure?” Michael asked. “For how long have this been going on?”

“Seven months?” Calum shrugged. “Maybe eight.”

And, really, he should’ve know that saying this would be a bad idea, should’ve known that Michael was smarter than this. He hated the pitiful look Michael was sending him and crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. “Calum –“ he started.

“I don’t need your pity,” Calum hissed. “So what if I’ve had troubles sleeping ever since you left? What if the bed is too big and too fucking empty for me, what if on some nights it gets so lonely that I’m threatening to break down, what if I contemplated just taking all my sleeping pills and mixing them with a bottle of vodka, what if I kept Ashton awake with my crying at three in the goddamn morning because I was so heartbroken and the bed was _so empty_? I still don’t need your fucking pity.”

He hadn’t realized he started crying during his outburst but now he was aware of the hot tears rolling down his cheeks, clouding his vision. He also hadn’t realized that Michael had stepped up to him and now he was being pulled into his arms and he instantly latched onto him, relished in the fact that he could finally touch Michael again after so many months and he buried his face in Michael’s neck.

“I’m not pitying you,” Michael mumbled, softly stroking down his back, his other hand on his waist, pulling Calum closer. “I would never.”

“Let’s get you into bed, yeah?” he asked quietly and all Calum could do was nod and he let himself being guided back into the bedroom and when his knees hit the edge of the bed he crawled into it, with Michael gently pulling the covers up. His chest tightened when he realized Michael was about to leave, thoughts swimming in his head _no don’t go I can’t see you leave again not tonight_ and his hand shot out, grabbing Michael by the wrist. “Stay,” he whispered at Michael’s questioning glance.

Michael didn’t hesitate, only nodded and crawled into bed behind him. “Cuddle?” he asked faintly. At Calum’s nod he placed his arms around his waist, intertwining their legs together. All of sudden Calum felt dead tired, his eyes still wet with unshed tears and he realized that he’d been right, that sleeping alone was the cause for his sleep troubles because sleep came so easy to him with Michael’s arms wrapped around his body.

“Just like old times,” he managed to whisper. He heard a chuckle behind him, Michael’s warm breath hitting his neck.

“Just like old times,” he repeated.

He vaguely felt Michael pressing a soft kiss to his neck before his eyes closed and he drifted off into a sleep filled with green eyes and blond hair and a smile so bright it could outshine the sun.

* * *

“Okay, so, I’ve made a list,” Luke started at breakfast the next morning and Calum and Michael groaned in unison.

“Please stop, Hemmings,” Michael muttered. “I’ve already heard enough.”

“That’s Irwin for you,” Luke mumbled. It was a pet peeve of him to be called by his old name after he got married to Ashton and took on his last name. He straightened up. “Anyway,” he said, clearing his voice. “As I said before I was so rudely interrupted, I made a list of all the things we should do while we’re in Paris.”

Michael cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously, got a problem with that?”

Calum intervened before one small argument could blow up into a huge fight as it was bound to happen whenever Michael and Luke disagreed. “Why did you do this?”

Luke stared at him as if he’d grown two heads. “ _Why?_ ” he asked incredulously. “We’re in Paris! Do I need another reason?”

“You want to go out and be an Aussie tourist in Europe, we get it,” Michael spoke through a mouth full of croissant. Luke made a face. “But why are we involved?”

“Because you’re my friends?”

Michael pointed to him with a butter knife. “Not good enough.”

“I think what he’s trying to say is,” Calum said, placing a hand on Michael’s arm to tell him to lower the knife with Michael pouting at him before he admitted defeat and put the knife down. “Why are you not going with your family?”

Luke had been watching their silent exchange with a strange expression on his face. “Because,” he answered slowly. “I haven’t had a holiday in over four years. My life only consists of work, picking Rosie up from school, picking Rosie up from ballet class, going to her ballet performances, visiting family and waking up at the asscrack of dawn because Rosie decides 5:30 AM would be a reasonable time to get up on a Saturday.”

He exhaled. “I’m in Paris for a week and I’ll be damned if I don’t make the best out of it.”

“Wow, Luke,” Calum chuckled. “How long has this been brewing inside of you?”

Luke sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I feel horrible. Forget what I said. I love Rosie and I love Ashton and I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

“We know,” Michael replied, taking a sip of his coffee. “But what are Ashton and Rosie doing when we are off to explore Paris?”

“Going shopping,” Luke said. “Rosie wants new clothes. And stuffed animals. And books.” He frowned. “On another note, it’d be bad for them to go shopping together because Ashton buys her anything she wants.”

“That’s true,” Calum muses. “Remember when he bought her a giant stuffed giraffe toy because she saw it at the fair?”

“Okay,” Luke got to his feet. “I’ve gotta go with them. Here’s the list I made,” he got a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket and threw it on the table. “You’re on your own.”

“What the fuck,” Michael grumbled. “Hemmings!” he called out, ignoring the glares from the other hotel guests eating breakfast. “Is he serious?”

Calum had picked up the list, studying it. “This sounds actually really good,” he mumbled. “I’ve always wanted to explore Paris.”

Michael watched him with an unreadable expression on his face. “You wanna do this?”

Calum shrugged. “I don’t have anything to do today anyway. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”

“Who said I don’t want to do this?”

Calum raised an eyebrow. “Because you just said it to Luke?”

Michael waved him off, popping a grape into his mouth. “I just said that to provoke him.”

“Lovely,” Calum remarked dryly and Michael grinned. “What’s first on the list?” he asked.

“Uh, Avenue des Champs-Élysées. Whatever that is.”

“Second?”

“The Louvre,” Calum perked up. “I’ve heard of that one. Shall we?”

* * *

Calum leaned against the brick wall of the bridge as he and Michael watched a group of buskers sing some song in French, with a few people milling around them, occasionally dropping euro bills into the guitar case.

“They’re really good,” Michael said after a while and Calum looked over to him. His blond hair looked almost white in the afternoon sun, the sunglasses perched on his nose and his denim jacket making him look like a model straight out of the 50s. Calum smiled to himself. Michael had this secret talent, always looking effortlessly beautiful while wearing the most mundane outfits. Maybe that was one of the reasons why Calum fell in love with him. The way the sunlight hit the side of his face, his lips curled up in a lazy smile – he reminded Calum of when they were teenagers and he had just looked at Michael one day and realized _‘Wow, I’m really in love with you’_ and he expected the world to stop, Michael to leave him, but the earth continued spinning and the sun continued shining and Michael continued loving him.

“Remember when we wanted to start a band?” Michael pulled him out of his thoughts. He turned his body and placed his elbows on the wall, looking over the river. “And we could’ve done it, I’m sure of it. We could’ve made it big, Calum.”

Calum grinned. “It was a teenage dream. We were young and stupid.”

“Sometimes I miss our teenage days.”

“Me too,” Calum mumbled. “Everything seemed so simple back then.”

“It felt like it was us against the world, you know? Just you, me, Luke and Ashton. Us four, we could’ve taken the world by storm. We were inseparable.”

“God, Michael, you sound like you’re dying, reminiscing over your life like that.”

Michael laughed, an honest and happy laugh, a sound Calum hadn’t heard in a long while. “I’m glad we’re still friends with Luke and Ash, though. I mean, they could’ve moved away after they adopted Rosie. They could’ve moved closer to Luke’s family. But they stayed.”

“I think Sydney is home for them,” Calum replied, still watching the buskers but not paying attention to the music. “Sydney will always be home.”

They were silent after that, bodies turned in opposite directions but it felt like they were still close, still drawn together. Whatever had once been broken between them was now slowly being repaired.

“Where are we now?” Michael asked. “What’s next on the list?”

“Pont Neuf,” Calum replied instantly. “The Notre-Dame Cathedral is just the bridge down, on the Île de la Cité.”

Michael was watching him with a grin on his face. “How do you know all this?”

“Google.”

Michael rolled his eyes fondly and pushed himself off the wall. “Okay, let’s go.”

* * *

“How was your day?” Luke asked, rummaging through one of the bags on the bed. Michael shrugged, lunging on an armchair in the corner. “Nice.”

Luke raised an eyebrow pointedly. “Just ‘nice’?”

“What do you wanna hear, Luke?” Michael glared. “That it was beautiful, Paris is a wonderful city, that I was so goddamn happy I could spend the day with Calum, that it felt like we were back together again?”

“Wow, bitter much,” Luke mumbled, dodging the pillow Michael was throwing at him.

“Shut up,” he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. “Forget what I said.”

Luke rolled his eyes, standing up straight and putting his hands on his hips. With the serious expression on his face he almost looked threatening. Almost. But Michael wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Why don’t you talk to him and tell him what you just told me?”

Michael stared at him. “That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said and you say a lot of dumb things.”

“You are so – you two are so goddamn,” Luke started, running a hand through his hair. “ _Fuck!_ Just watch me, if you two continue behaving like stubborn fifteen year olds I will personally lock you into a closet until you finally talk.”

“We do talk,” Michael said weakly, stunned by Luke’s outburst.

“About everything but your relationship! God, Michael, you are –“

Michael never found out what he was according to Luke because the door opened and Rosie came running in, stumbling over her feet. Luke was fast and caught her by her armpits before she could fall. The little girl wasn’t bothered by it, though, instead she giggled and wriggled out of Luke’s grasp until he set her down on the floor.

“Uncle Mikey!” she exclaimed and Michael grinned, pulling her up and seating her on his lap. “What’s up, Curly?”

She frowned at his nickname for her. “My name’s Rosie, not Curly.”

“You’re a Curly for me.”

“That’s not even a real name!” she protested, crossing her arms over her chest, pouting. “Rosie is my name!”

“Okay, you got me. Rosie,” Michael replied, laughing when her face lightened up and she clapped her hands.

Luke grinned at them. “Rosie, where’s Dad?” he asked her. Rosie turned to him, putting a hand to her chin in thought. “Last time I saw him was with Uncle Cal, I think.”

“Oh, you think?” Luke repeated, smiling fondly.

“He will find his way back,” she said innocently.

Luke shook his head but the loving smile on his face indicated that he was amused. “I’m taking a quick shower. Mike, can you watch over her for a while?”

The other man nodded and the bathroom door clicked shut. “Uncle Mikey?” Rosie asked, turning to face him with a serious expression. As serious as a six-year-old can look.

“Yeah, Rose?”

“Why are you and Uncle Cal not together anymore?”

Michael’s eyes widened, shock written across his face. “How do you –“ he coughed and cleared his throat. “How do you know that?”

“I heard Uncle Cal and Papa talking about it.”

Michael sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You know, sweetie, sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it. People stop loving each other. It happens.”

“You don’t love Uncle Cal anymore?” There was surprise in her voice, surprise, shock and sadness and Michael’s chest tightened.

“I still love him,” he said slowly. “I will always love him.”

“Then why did you leave him?” she timidly asked. “He loves you too.”

“We both made a mistake, you know? And it was a too big of a mistake to get back together.”

“Well, do you miss him?”

“I do,” Michael replied without hesitation.

“Then I think you can fix this mistake. Because that’s what love is. Daddy and Papa fight sometimes  
and Daddy gets mad but then Papa gives him a tight hug and says he’s sorry and then they kiss,” at that she pulled a face. “They make mistakes too. But that’s supposed to happen.”

Michael smiled at her and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “Yeah, it is.”

* * *

“How are you feeling?”

It was late in the evening and they were at bar in the hotel, two drinks in front of them, jazz music playing over the speakers. It wasn’t too crowded, a few tables occupied, and the soft music and quiet chatter of the other people were making it easy to have a conversation.

“What do you mean?”

Michael bit his lip, staring at his drink. “Mali is getting married in three days,” he finally said. It wasn’t what he originally wanted to say, he actually wanted to speak about their day together and what Rosie had said earlier but he didn’t. “How does that make you feel? Is your protective little brother side coming out?”

Calum laughed, shaking his head. “I’m just happy for her, you know? She deserves to be happy.”

“Oh, so no ‘If you break her heart, I’ll break your face’ talk with the groom?”

“Hey, I never said that,” Calum replied, raising his eyebrows. “But Mali can take care of herself.”

“That’s true,” Michael chuckled. “She’s great. Remember when she bought us tickets for a horror movie even though we were too young to see it?”

“And then we had nightmares that night?” Calum asked. “Michael, we slept in her room and the only thing she said was ‘Hopefully that will teach you boys a lesson’.”

“Okay, yeah, but she had a point, didn’t she? We were ten and scared and waited till we turned sixteen to watch horror movies like good little boys.”

“Is this a new hobby of yours?” Calum asked, watching him with amusement. “Reminiscing over our childhood?”

“I feel old,” Michael protested. “My good days are over.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Calum muttered as he ordered another round of drinks for them. “Sounds like you’re in your midlife crisis.”

“Maybe I am,” Michael replied, taking a sip of his beer. “Next thing you know I’m driving a Ferrari.”

“That’s when I know that you have officially lost it.”

Michael grinned at him and the dim light of the bar made him look ten years younger and maybe it was the effect of the alcohol, whatever it was, Calum found himself wanting to kiss him.

“I talked to Rosie earlier,” Michael suddenly said and Calum chuckled. “What did she say? Last time I talked to her she was telling me everything about the life of her stuffed bear, Mr. Georgie.”

Michael let out a laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “Uh, she asked – she wanted to know why we aren’t together anymore.”

“Oh,” Calum’s face fell and Michael inwardly winced but he also had to get this out. “And this got me thinking,” he quickly said. “She told me that Luke and Ashton sometimes fight and – of course they do, who doesn’t? – but they make it work. Why can’t we make it work, Calum?”

Calum didn’t answer, stared at him with an unreadable expression on his face and Michael took a deep breath. “I just – I don’t understand what went _wrong,_ ” he breathed out, his voice cracking at the end. He blinked the tears pooling in his eyes away. “We were happy, Calum. We were so happy and we let one fight destroy us? We handled it like cowards, _I_ was a coward by leaving when things got too serious. We were supposed to be better than this. You were supposed to be my forever.”

“Mikey,” Calum whispered after a few seconds. “Michael. Look at me.”

Michael did – his eyes were red and he furiously wiped the tears away which were rolling down his cheeks so Calum slowly leaned forward, taking Michael’s hand in his. “Mikey,” he whispered again.

Calum’s voice could always calm him down. It didn’t matter if he was ten or nineteen or thirty-two. Calum would only say his name, whisper it against his skin, and the storm inside of him would stop, he was able to breathe again and it seemed like everything would be okay.

“Michael.”

* * *

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

It was dark in the bedroom and Calum was glad for it. That way, he could ask everything that’s been bothering him without Michael looking at him, without the fear of seeing regret in his eyes or something worse. He could talk freely and they both needed that right now.

Michael shifted on the bed, leaning against the headboard next to Calum. “I was afraid of your reaction,” he answered at last.

They have retreated back to their hotel room after Michael has calmed down but neither of them were ready to sleep yet. So, they sat on the bed, finally talking _after all these months,_ and the alcohol flowing through their veins gave them more courage to do so.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, we established that.”

“Yeah, I know, but,” A soft laugh. “This is a bit different, isn’t it? It’s hard.”

“It’s really not,” Calum whispered, loud enough for Michael to hear. “You haven’t been doing well after the break-up.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement and Michael knew that.

“No,” he replied, voice soft. “I was a mess. Couldn’t sleep for weeks.”

“So, just like me.”

“Just like you, yes,” Michael echoed. "Calum?"

"Hm?"

"I learned French for you."

Calum now regretted that they didn't turn on the light because was unable to locate Michael's exact spot, couldn't look him in the eyes. "You did what?"

"I just - Remember how you said a few years back that you wanted to go to France? And I planned it all, wanted it to be, like, a second honeymoon, but we were too busy and then the break-up happened and I forgot about it."

"You're incredible, Michael."

A laugh. "I'm really not."

"You are. "Calum’s hand found his in the dark. He intertwined their fingers together. “Can we pretend?”

Michael didn’t need to ask what he meant. “For how long?”

“As long as we want to.”

“Is one night good for you? Can we, like, take baby steps?”

Calum laughed, grasping Michael’s hand a little tighter. “Anything you want.”

It was silent and Calum was worried he’d messed things up again but suddenly he was being pushed onto his back and he could faintly see Michael hovering above him.

“Only tonight,” he whispered and Calum numbly nodded.

And then there were lips on his and Calum arched his back up, a moan slipping out of his mouth. His arms ended up behind Michael’s neck and he pulled him closer, having missed the feeling of touching him, kissing him. It felt as if they had never been separated. They still fit together like two missing puzzle pieces and Calum faintly realized that they were meant to be, he never had any doubt about being with Michael, always knew that he was the person he would spend the rest of his life with.

Michael grinded down on him and Calum gasped into his mouth. “Mikey, I,” he mumbled through kisses and Michael immediately stopped, looking at him with worried eyes. “Cal?”

“Please – please don’t, just, fuck me,” he whispered, his cheeks darkening. “M-make love to me.”

Michael pulled him into another kiss, this one slow and soft. “Of course babe,” he murmured against his lips. “Anything you want.”

* * *

“Calum and Michael are behaving differently,” Ashton said as he closed the door to their hotel room. Luke, who was braiding Rosie’s hair, looked up at him with a confused expression. “What are you talking about?”

“I just dropped by their room and they just, I don’t know, they were behaving differently.”

“Great explanation, Ash,” Luke chuckled, turning back to Rosie.

“I mean it, Luke,” Ashton sighed, taking a seat beside Rosie who pulled a funny face at him. Ashton stick his tongue out and she giggled. He smiled at her. “Michael accidentally called Calum ‘babe’ but they both didn’t seem to mind so I guess it wasn’t an accident?”

Luke cut him off. “They called each other pet names even before they got together, remember?”

“Lukey, why don’t you believe in love?”

“If I don’t believe in love then why am I married to you?”

“You’re trying to be funny but what you just said is actually really sweet.”

“That was my intention,” Luke winked at him and Ashton let out a giggle as answer. He got to his feet and pressed a kiss to Luke’s cheeks. Rosie pulled a face. “Stop that, it’s gross!”

Luke laughed as he finished braiding her hair. “Please go put on your dress, Rose, we have to leave soon.”

Rosie hopped to her feet and ran into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Luke turned to Ashton. “Maybe they finally talked it out?” he asked, referring to their friends.

Ashton shrugged. “Seems like it. Just in time for the wedding.”

“Now that you mention it, they’ve been behaving weird since yesterday,” Luke started. “I saw them laughing together at breakfast and that was the first time I’ve seen them alone since we’ve been here.”

“Maybe it was good to send them on this trip through Paris.”

Luke grinned. “They totally believed my excuse.”

“Luke Irwin, you sneaky bastard,” Ashton giggled and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

* * *

Calum knocked three times on the door before putting his hands in his pockets and leaning back on his heels.

“If you’re the groom then you can leave again!” A woman’s voice called out.

Calum chuckled and opened the door, poking his head in. “It’s just the brother.”

Mali’s friend, Stacy, rolled her eyes playfully but nodded at him to come him and she closed the door again. He eyed the champagne glass in her hand. “It’s ten in the morning.”

“It’s also the wedding day. You want some?”

Calum shrugged as in to say “Why not?”, then turned his head when someone called his name. He stopped dead in his tracks when his eyes landed on his sister. The white gown was a beautiful contrast to her dark skin and it flew effortlessly down her body, making her seem taller than she actually was.

“Damn, Mali,” he managed to say. “You look fantastic.”

She giggled, twirling around in the dress, facing herself in the mirror.

“The dress looks kinda expensive,” Calum said, accepting a champagne glass from Stacy.

“Elie Saab,” a bridesmaid – Haley – replied, fuzzing over Mali’s hair. “Only the best for the best.”

“Mum will cry when she sees you,” Calum grinned at her through the mirror, taking a sip of his champagne.

“I hope the groom cries,” Stacy piped up. Mali laughed at her comment before glancing at Calum.

“What’s up, do you need anything?”

He awkwardly shuffled his feet. “I kind of need your help,” he said slowly.

“Uh-oh,” Haley answered. “Doesn’t sound good.”

Calum glared at her before turning back to Mali. “Do you want the long story, or-“

“Calum,” she interrupted him, stepping away from the mirror. “What did you do?”

He cringed. “So, long story?”

She sighed, waving absently with her hand. “Hit me.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay, so, I never told you but me and Michael have been living separately for about eight months now but we’re pretending to be still together for your wedding but, like, two nights ago we slept together and I think I may have a chance of getting back together with him but I’m afraid he doesn’t want to, that it was just an one-night-stand for him, so what do I do?” he rushed out, fearing the worst.

“You. Did. What.” His sister hissed out through clenched teeth, her voice cold and eyes hard, her two friends staring at Calum with wide eyes.

“Wow, Mali,” Haley said. “Your brother’s a fucking idiot.”

Calum rolled his eyes. “Hey, did I ask you –“

“Calum!” His sister snapped and he looked back to her. She was pinching the bridge of her nose, taking a deep breath.

“I’ll punch you in the face later for not telling me anything,” she said. “But now answer me this: Do you love him?”

“Of course.”

“Does he love you?”

“He told me he did.”

“There you have it.”

“What do you –“

“Wait,” Stacy said. “Michael is your husband, right? The blond-haired dude?”

Calum nodded slowly.

“And you two are broken up? I saw you at the dinner last night and you seemed so in love.”

Mali looked at Calum grimly. “Is that answer good enough for you?”

Calum was speechless. He was trying to come up with something to say but all he could think was _‘We looked like we were in love, no one noticed a thing’_ -

“You looked happy together, Cal,” his sister quietly said. “What do you wanna hear?”

“Thank you,” Calum breathed out. “Thank you. Oh, God. You guys helped me. Mali, I love you, I’ll see you later, good luck –“ he rambled, putting his glass down on the windowsill before dashing over to the door. “Thanks!” he called out again, the three woman looking at the door in confusion.

“Your brother’s a fucking weirdo,” Haley said at last.

* * *

The ceremony was beautiful.

Mali definitely stole everyone’s breath away as she glided down the aisle at the arm of her dad. The groom, Jimmy, was smiling from ear to ear, tears glistening in his eyes. Calum knew he would treat her well.

As expected, their mother cried as soon as she saw Mali and Calum had to calm her down, rubbing her back. “Mum, you didn’t cry this hard when I got married,” he’d said, grinning at her.

Michael’s hand had found his and he’d squeezed it as the couple had exchanged their vows. “Do you remember our wedding?” he’d whispered. “You were a mess when I recited my vows.”

“Because you wrote me a _poem!”_ Calum had answered quietly, recalling their wedding day.

Michael had looked smugly at the memory. “Yeah and you loved it.”

And now Calum was smiling at his sister as she and her husband shared their first dance together, Michael’s hand still in his.

He looked up when Ashton sat down next to Luke, sans Rosie who had still been with him when he left the table. “Where’s Rose?” Michael’s voiced his thoughts.

Ashton nodded over to where Calum’s parents were sitting a few tables away. “She instantly went to Joy as soon as she saw her.”

“And now that she’s gone,” Luke piped up, sharing a look with Ashton. “We can finally ask: What the fuck is going on between you two?”

Calum raised his eyebrows in surprise and a quick look to Michael confirmed that he was equally confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Just tell us the truth,” Ashton rolled his eyes in exasperation. “You act like you’re together again. You’re fucking _holding hands._ What happened?”

“Can’t two guys simply hold hands?” Michael asked in mock innocence and Calum had to suppress a laugh.

“Wow,” Luke deadpanned. “We get that you don’t wanna tell us the reason why you broke up but not telling us if you got back together again? That’s low.” He got to his feet and Ashton followed his example. “We’re your best friends but if you don’t trust us enough to talk about it…” he trailed off. “Well.” And followed Luke to the bar.

Michael and Calum stared at their retreating backs in confusion. “What the fuck was that about?” Michael asked.

What they didn’t hear was Luke and Ashton’s conversation as they sat at the bar, stealing glances at their friends. “Do you think they bought it?” Luke asked uncertainly.

“Definitely,” Ashton answered with no worry, taking a sip of his drink. “We’ve made them uncomfortable. Now they have to talk.”

Luke grinned at him. “Cheers to us.”

* * *

“Okay,” Michael let go of Calum’s hands and turned to face him. “No idea if our friends smoked something before the wedding started, but –“

Calum cut him off. “Let’s dance.”

He knew what Michael was doing, knew that he was trying to talk but Calum wasn’t _ready_ to talk. He wanted to spend some more time like this, with Michael by his side, not arguing for once, just being them again.

Michael shrugged, then got up. “Sure,” he said, holding a hand out. “Calum Hood, may I have this dance?”

Calum grinned at him, taking his hand and getting to his feet. There were more couples on the dance floor now so they stood by the edge of the floor, with Michael’s right hand on Calum’s waist, his left hand linked with Calum’s right hand and Calum’s left hand on Michael’s shoulder.

Michael took the lead. He always took the lead, did it at their own wedding, and years later when they danced at Luke and Ashton’s wedding. They never switched this because it was so normal for them, because they were used to it.

Michael pulled him closer, grinning slightly when a light blush crept up Calum’s cheeks. “So,” he whispered as they fell into step to the music. “You know you can’t avoid talking to me, right?”

Calum chuckled, avoiding his gaze. “I know,” he mumbled. “But first, listen to the song.”

Michael frowned but paid attention to the music and when he recognized it, his face lit up. “Did you plan this?” he asked incredulously.

Calum shook his head. “Coincidence, I guess.”

Michael let out a low laugh and he started humming the melody of the song as they swayed slowly to the beat. Calum didn’t ever want to let go. He wanted to stay like this with Michael, forever, wanted them to still be so happy even after they get home the next day, wanted to tell him _I’m sorry for everything, it was my fault, please come back._

At the last chorus, Michael leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. He was smiling, not the one where his eyes crinkled by the corners, but the one which was only reserved for Calum because it meant _I’m here I love you I’ve got you._

Too late, Calum realized that Michael had been singing the last line of the song, his voice soft and only meant for Calum to hear. “I'm thinking out loud that maybe we found love right where we are, oh baby, we found love right where we are.”

“Yeah?” Calum breathed out, blinking away a few tears. They continued swayed to the music even as the song had changed.

“Babe,” Michael said, kissing the tears away which have escaped his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Michael,” Calum rushed out. “I’m so sorry for everything.” It felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt relieved and so light by finally saying these words and maybe that’s what he needed to do after all this time. Simply apologize.

“I want a kid with you,” he continued. “I want to start a family with you, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me, I –“

He closed his eyes for a few seconds, catching his breath, sorting out his thoughts. Michael stayed silent because he knew he needed time, he knew Calum was finally ready to talk.

“I’m scared, Mikey,” Calum whispered, opening his eyes again. “I’m scared of being a father because what – what if I fuck it up? What if I mess things up, what if I’m too strict with them and our kid ends up hating me, I wouldn’t ever forgive me if that happened. Michael, me telling you I didn’t want a kid had absolutely nothing to do with you, alright? It’s me and my stupid problems which have led us to break up and you to move out and this was all my fault, Mikey, our break-up had been entirely my fault and I hate myself for it.”

Michael’s hand on his hip tightened and he pulled him even closer to him. “Calum,” he murmured. “Listen to me. These six months without you have been hell for me. You don’t know how much I missed you. It’s not your fault alone. We both fucked up. Okay? Don’t blame yourself.”

“You’re not mad at me?” Calum asked, fear in his eyes.

“Not for this,” Michael shook his head. “Don’t be scared of things like that. You’d be an incredible dad.”

Calum smiled slightly. “You have to say this.”

“Babe, do you wanna know why I think this? Because I know you. I know you, Calum, I know how you like to spoil Rosie with toys and books. You adore kids, you have an amazingly kind soul, you’d do anything for our kid –“

“Our kid?” Calum interrupted, breath catching in his throat. “You still wanna – ?”

“Yeah, I do. Together or not at all, that was our motto, right?” Michael replied softly.

“You remember that?” Calum’s smile was blinding. “We made that up when we were twelve!”

“It does have a nice ring to it,” Michael grinned. “But firstly let’s survive the rest of the day and get home tomorrow, does that sound good?”

Calum nodded, burying his face in Michael’s neck. The _I love you_ he whispered was muffled by the fabric of his suit.

* * *

Calum let the door fall shut behind him and stared at the living room in front of him. Instantly, memories with Michael swirled through his mind but this time he didn’t have the urge to cry or break down or break things. Their week in Paris had helped Calum, had made him realize that whatever happened, he would never truly lose Michael and this time, when he stood in their old living room, he simply breathed out and made his way towards his bedroom to unpack.

He knew what he was supposed to do later.

* * *

He pulled the blinds of the windows in his office up, before opening the big window behind the desk to let the clear morning air in. He shuffled through the papers in his drawers before he finally found the envelope he was looking for.

He sat down at the desk, the papers in front of him and fiddled with the pen in his hand. The name of the adoption agency was written in black ink at the top of the paper and Calum recalled when Michael dropped these papers on Calum’s desk when he had been working on a report and Calum had looked up to see Michael smiling excitedly at him. That had been before the fight, before everything fell apart. Calum sometimes wished he would have reacted differently. Now, he simply wished for a chance to make everything better. Maybe this was it.

He took a deep breath and signed his name at the bottom of the paper.

* * *

Calum woke up to someone banging on the front door. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, hoping whoever it was would go away but the banging continued and Calum reluctantly got out of the bed, slowly going downstairs, still not fully awake.

“Okay, I’m coming!” he yelled as the banging only got louder.

He opened to the door to find Michael on the doorstep, an envelope in his hand, looking out of breath and far too awake for 6AM.

“What,” he breathed out. “Is. Your. Problem.”

Calum frowned. “Come in?” he tried.

Michael pushed his way past him and Calum searched his brain, wondering why Michael looked this furious so early in the morning.

He closed the door and turned to face Michael, arms crossed over his chest. “Care to tell me why you woke me up?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Michael mockingly said. “I hope this is good enough for you!” He pulled out the papers from the envelope he’d been holding and Calum had to step closer to read them but then he recognized the black ink at the top, the name of the agency and his heart plummeted.

“Crap,” he whispered.

“Exactly,” Michael replied. “Calum, you can’t just – you can’t just send these to me with a note saying ‘Your choice’. What’s that supposed to mean? Are you out of your fucking mind? I thought what you said at the wedding was just – heat of the moment! We need to talk about this, Calum, you can’t just sign these papers and expect me to make this decision –“

“Michael, I’m sure.”

Michael stopped in his rambling and stared at Calum with wide eyes. “You’re what?” he managed to say.

“I – I don’t want to talk,” Calum said. “We did this enough in Paris. We talked things out. And I told you. I’m sure. I want a kid with you. But it’s your choice. I’m not forcing you to get back together with me. Either we adopt a kid or we get divorced but,” he pointedly raised his voice a little as Michael opened his mouth. “We stay friends. Because I can’t lose you again. I told you.”

Michael closed his mouth, staring down at the papers in his hands, at Calum’s signature. “You’re really sure about this? Because this isn’t an easy decision, Calum. You can’t just say you want a kid because – because you feel good at the moment or whatever. I need to know if you’re in it for the long run, Calum.”

Without Michael noticing, Calum had stepped closer. “Hey,” he whispered and Michael looked up, eyes finding his. “Together or not at all.”

Michael cracked a smile, breathing out in relief and he nodded once. “Together or not at all,” he repeated.

* * *

Six years later

 

“Daddy, Daddy, wake up!”

Calum groaned and he could hear Michael mumbling under his breath, opening his eyes just in time to see Michael pressing his face into his pillow. “Dad!”

Now, Josh was tugging on the bed sheets and Calum shook Michael’s shoulder. “Your son is awake,” he mumbled, yawning.

“He’s your son,” came the muffled reply.

“Oh, now he’s my son?”

“Daddy, you’re awake!” Josh scrambled onto the bed in between Calum and Michael and settled down. “Guess what today is!”

Michael knew that the chance of sleep was gone so he slowly sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Calum smiled at him before turning to Josh.

“Buddy, what did I tell you about waking up your Dad?”

“Not before ten,” Josh replied, grinning when Calum ruffled his hair.

“Wow, how generous,” Michael said and Calum looked up to see him leaning against the head board, arms crossed over his shirtless chest and Calum grinned at the memory of their last night’s activity.

“But Dad, today is my football game!” Josh looked at him in excitement. “My first ever football game!”

“And we’re very proud of you, Josh,” Michael grinned at him. “How about you go downstairs and we’ll come down soon and then we make a wonderful breakfast on this special day?”

“Pancakes?”

Michael nodded at him. “Pancakes.”

Josh quickly got out of bed, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll get the pancake mix!”, as he disappeared downstairs.

Calum let out a laugh at their son when he felt a pair of lips against his neck. “Good morning,” Michael murmured.

“Good morning,” Calum whispered, smiling at him. “Sleep well?”

Michael put his arms around Calum’s waist, pulling him closer. “Fantastic. You?”

“Hm, alright.” Calum laughed as Michael lightly bit his shoulder but it turned into a moan as he started sucking on the mark. “Okay, stop” Calum quickly got out of bed, glaring at Michael. “You had enough of that last night. And your son is waiting downstairs for us.”

“Oh, my son?” Michael chuckled as they quickly got dressed. Before they made their way downstairs, Calum pulled him for a kiss. “Our son,” he whispered against his lips.

“I like the sound of that,” Michael replied, eyes gleaming with happiness.

Calum responded with another kiss. “Me too.”


End file.
